Monday, April 22, 2013


I just got back from San Francisco again. It was a nice day - I'll be blogging about it later. But time is so , so limited... The things I really want to record in blog posts are piling up fast, and I just don't even have time for this shit. lol I may actually resort to podcasting a lot of them just to get them done, because I record a lot of what I do for personal sanity. Kind of like a: Yes, I did this, it was significant, and now it will always be remembered even though its impact will fade in my mind under the pressure of everything else I'm going through.

It's my boyfriend's birthday today...I hardly have time to do anything for him. I couldn't do art for him this year, I hardly have time to Skype with him (long distance relationship), I hardly have money to buy him anything... I sent him a letter. Not sure it'll get there in time. It's just frustrating.

Upon getting home tonight, I learned of at least 4 other major tasks I need to accomplish in addition to all my school work and ROTC training. As I was adding them to the calendar, I just got increasingly overwhelmed. Seeing everything...knowing I'm not going to have enough time to get everything done the way I want it...

I just had to turn in an art history research paper that was...literally the worst paper I've ever turned in in my life. It was bad...BAD...SO bad. It terrifies me. And it angers me that I actually did that. Now I'm scared of what it'll do to my grade and if I'm in jeopardy of failing the class. I don't know. Did I have the power to do better? Maybe. But I also have the power to work so hard I get extremely sick and can't do anything at all which is what it would've taken to accomplish that. That's happened before. Trying not to let it happen again because it's counter-fucking-productive, and ain't nobody got time for that. = |

God help me.

Just one day at a time. That's what my instructors and my Dad keep telling me. Mom can't really give advise 'cause she's in the same boat I am right now with working on some kinda long-term teaching credentials. We're both having mental breakdowns and crying over shit we wouldn't normally cry over and losing sleep...sometimes for no reason other than just being stressed. ^^; I'm hardly eating. I literally have so much trouble finding the time of day to make a goddamn meal. It's ridiculous. And when I do eat, it's not really a balanced meal, and I guess I'm borderline malnourished at this point. It's just demoralizing if nothing else.


And I do see my health declining on very significant, PERMANENT levels. Like dentally...the stress is causing me to grind my teeth when I sleep. Badly. My dentist is hella worried 'cause I can't afford a night guard right now. Recently resorted to using my clear retainer tray. Some kinda tendon in my right hand is strained somehow, probably from typing and drawing so much. LOL. :| Aaaand...I'd go into the other shit, but it doesn't need to be public.

So. I'm gonna get some other stuff done before passing out.


Sunday, April 14, 2013

5th Annual Sakura Photoshoot

I'm having a real hard time concentrating on homework right now. Just need to pull back and do something else to regroup. There's a whole list of things I need to blog about, but let's do one I've intended to since February.
5 years in a row now, I've dressed up in some way or another and headed to an alley of cherry blossom trees in mid to late February for a photoshoot. This will be my last one here as I'm moving away from California this summer, but God knows I'll probably find some other place to do it next year. :]

This was my first year doing it by myself. In previous years, I've always had a friend or two tag along, but I was okay being alone this time. My tripod kept me company. ^^

This was a test shot, but I ended up really liking it. :P

Aaand, I also was able to use these to make my graduation announcements so my mom would stop bugging me about it. :P I'm not even gonna put on a cap and gown and walk down an aisle...but she wanted to send these out anyway. "It's proper," she says. And I found out later that the Art Department is actually having its graduates commence on the 24th of May instead of the 25th, but it's not that big a deal. Bottom line is: I WILL BE DONE.

Slapped on one of my personal quotes, chose some fancy fonts, and vuala. Mom gets her my announcements. lol