Saturday, December 15, 2012

Fall '12 Conclusions

There's a LOT to cover in this entry. I hesitated to write it 'cause I know I'll be here a while and there's still so much to get done even though I'm finished with the semester.

I will be working on school projects while on "vacation" this winter so that my workload next semester won't kill me. And it does have the potential to. I've been very, very sleep deprived these last couple months due to schoolwork, and it will get much worse. I will be swamped with so much work next semester it's making me ill just thinking about it. My professors are worried about it and my classmates were speechless when I told them what'd I'd be doing, but I don't have a choice.

I'll be taking the Video Art class, btw. They found a way to offer it, so I'll be taking that instead of Figure Drawing. Which is a bittersweet thing, I guess. Ms. S was reeeally looking forward to having me in that course. She said she'd already begun planning things to do to me in the class art-wise...x_x And I've no doubt she was gonna push me 'til my hand bled, but she's still happy I was able to get into a course more suited to my academic focus. She made me promise to stay in touch, though...

It was kinda crazy. Our last day of final critiques for Senior Seminar was on the 10th (monday). And at the end everyone started cheering for those graduating this semester, and it was just kinda like a "meh" moment for me 'cause my mind was on the following semester. Then out of no where Ms. S tacklehugged full on threw herself on me...and at first I thought it was a student. But when I realized it was her I was just floored 'cause...well this is a middle-aged woman who's been so uptight and strict about behaving in class, and suddenly she glomps me? x.x;; I was like, "What the??" and she said, "Hey! I have a right to hug you!" "...Do you? Do you reeeally?" "Well...not exactly...but still!" "Oh, ok."

Anyway, this is a little late, but a few weeks ago we were asked to create a sculpture or some other art form that wasn't a drawing and write a piece in reflection of our 100 Drawings project.

This was mine: 

I chose to sculpt a heart with black markings and wings and stick it into one of my mirror shards to symbolize the reflection I went through during the drawings...and how I really searched myself and how I wanted to put my theme of inner struggles on paper. It's dark and scarring, but at the same time can be a beautiful and empowering experience. The heart piece itself was a bit rushed as I had to prioritize my time for other work, but I like it over all. :]
My writing segment was a little unlike the rest of the class. They just focused on what they learned from the assignment...while I spent a good paragraph dedicated to complaining about it. xD I was dead serious as I read it to them aloud even though some were chuckling. It was exactly what everyone was thinking but weren't ballsy enough to tell Ms. S. At the end of the statement, I admitted to learning something, but it definitely wasn't the main part of it. That was the day Ms. S didn't say a single word to me. And that was the first + only time that ever happened. I figured she was pissed that one of her good students dissed her assignment, but whatever. lol It felt good. 

So then we worked on our final 2 large drawings and THIS week on Wednesday I had my critique for that. 
I was literally the last of 21 people to be critiqued, so I'm glad everyone had the patience to bear with it all through to the end. Ms. S wanted to play the Rocky Theme as I set up, and I was like...uuuuh no. And she asked me what I wanted to play, and I said, "If you have any gothic metal, I'm down for that." ;] And, no one else set up to was just her picking on me again.
One guy was like, "Oh, we've saved the best for last!" But I don't like him at all so I just gave him shit for that along with everything he said about my work. ^^; He had some good points, but I'm just so tired of personal preference driving his fucking mouth. And he also had slightly harassed me the week prior by trying to blackmail me into wearing my halter dress for him during critique...and it was just a really disgusting experience. 

Here's what my set up looked like with all my large drawings on the walls and the 100 were on the floor again. 

During set up, Ms. S kept saying I was the "woman of the hour," and I finally just told her to her face that she was incredibly strange. ^^;

The two people talking on the right of that first picture up there were the TAs. They just graduated this past spring and were around all semester to help Ms. S with grading and critiquing this class. They were pretty cool, but I frequently got fed up with the gal's critiques. She was so narrow-minded it felt like, and I kind of had to tune out a lot of what she was saying sometimes for fear I'd lose it. I butted heads with her indirectly during other folks' critiques...thoroughly disagreeing with what she was saying their work. I think she kinda got the idea, but never said anything to me directly. Like...ever. >.> For any reason. Heh. And so I was thoroughly surprised during this last critique when she said she actually liked some of my work. If course it was the ones that portrayed more of a looser "hand"and is her preference. But whatever. I was glad she found some of it appealing.

As people talked about the work, the gist of it had to do with them wanting to see me do the same kind of stuff in different mediums (not for this class, but in the future). Many people called my style "beautiful" and mentioned I had a very "eloquent hand." I'd taken Ms. S's advice a little too far (when she said to be inventive) and tried to think of way too many ways to portray my ideas without exploring one way to its full potential, so that was another thing. People kept going back to that headphones I'd created in my earlier large piece. I guess they really liked 'em. ^^; One girl was strongly attracted to the graphite blending...and I knew she'd bring that up again like last time. I actually thought about her while making that very last large drawing, and wouldn't you know...she commented on it. lol "I think the pieces in which she uses the blending really adds to her work; it really helps the pieces pop," etc. Haha...and I'm over here thinking 'Okay, but I still like cold, hard line work...'.
Ms. S brought up again that she hated the two works of Uni and the chess board. Too illustrative and straightforward for her. And I knew she wouldn't like the Uni one. :] Absolutely knew it. But I told her I wanted to do it anyway.
And I can't recall at the moment, but someone said something...maybe it was that guy...but there was a suggestion made for something which I highly opposed and literally just said, "No," and turned the other way laughing. I can't remember what it was, unfortunately.
But anyway...overall it seemed like they felt I improved not only with letting my style loose, but also incorporating strong ideas from the 100 Drawings into the larger final pieces.

Oh, and...side track: speaking of turning away laughing...I actually had to do that last week over something Ms. S was talking about. It was after she said something cool like, "Take care with every mark you make on paper because it's a piece of you that will forever be in this world," or something like that. And I felt she could have left it at that, but she went on. She started getting into how a student should take care with how they walk out a door get into their if all that should artistic... AND I ABSOLUTELY understand what she's getting at, but holy hell, just got too serious and awkward, and I hit my limit. I was standing right next to her and literally had to quickly turn and walk away so I wouldn't be rude while chuckling. 
AND SHE CONFRONTED ME ABOUT IT. xD Like after class...I couldn't believe it bothered her that much. She understood that I wanted to be polite and that I actually agreed with her take on the subject, but didn't understand why I had to move away from her. "But...but why did you move away?" she kept asking. I couldn't have explained it any clearer, so I thought maybe she just liked standing next to me or something. :v 


After drawing critique, I waited about half an hour to talk with prof about the semester. She was finishing up with the TAs and what not. But finally she had me go into her office and close the door where I apologized for being a difficult student. I realized I didn't always draw the way she wanted me to, but she said that was nonsense. I also told her that my artistic thinking in her classes had changed so much that even my creative writing style had shifted a bit. She went on to tell me I'm not even using my full potential. She took a good pencil with a long shaft and pointed to the graphite tip and shaved wooden part. She said, "This is the amount of talent you've used in these classes with me. It's a very small amount, but it's a good part." Then she pointed to the rest of the long pencil and said, "This is all of what you're capable of. You haven't even used it yet, but I believe you can."
It gave my goosebumps the way she was talking to me. She mentioned her boyfriend and how he's a world-renowned drummer. Apparently one day he had an epiphany with a single tap of the drum. That single sound, he discovered had ENDLESS potential. And with that one sound, you can create worlds of beautiful new things. I understood that, and thought it was pretty cool. She wants me to "crack open" so much more and discover what all I'm capable of with the skill I have. 
I damn near got emotional because she told me I have a talent that not every student has. I asked her how that was, and she went into how I have mastery over my hand movements, ideas and whatnot. Even though I'd been hearing her tell me things like that all semester, in that moment, it felt as surreal as the first time I heard it from her. It meant that she really felt like I'd done a good job, and I appreciated it a lot. She wishes she could have another semester with me, but settled for me promising to stay in touch and keep showing her my work. 

So...moving on.

I'd like to talk about some other things now unrelated to school work.

First is this contest piece I did for the annual calendar contest at

It's an idea I've had in my head for a long time. Even though Skyward Sword kind of shot it down by mentioning that Zelda (and every princess thereafter) was a reincarnation of the same goddess, this idea wouldn't leave my mind. I just loved the thought of Zelda from Ocarina of Time living long enough to see her successor gain the Triforce or Wisdom. And I have this idea that even in her old age, she's still powerful and elegant. :3 I dunno...I just really like it. The mentoring bond that older women share with the younger is just very sweet and important to me. 
Unfortunately, I didn't place in the contest again this year, but oh well. At least I was able to make Melora (the hostess) happy with it~

Well, anyway, I need to go run errands. Do NOT wanna go out into that ugly weather, but...I have to. x_x So, to wrap this up, I'll just say I'm grateful for the undying support of all my friends and fans, and I wouldn't have been able to make it this far without y'all. Truth. 

 Stay tuned for more projects this winter!


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